There Ain’t No Black Men in the Apocalypse

Good news everyone, we are successfully really behind the times.

I was watching Fear the Walking Dead last night with my daughter.  The first episode had a death that affected the major characters, it made sense, it was plausible. The black guy was a drug dealer but okay okay.  We were being progressive and giving the white girl a black boyfriend (although who doesn’t rebel against their parents with a black boyfriend am I right?) So we are still okay. But not really. Next thing I know it’s the second episode and all of the supporting black characters are dead. Well thank God for that we can’t have any black people around mucking up our end of the world scenario with their Blackness.  We truly needed to get rid of them as soon as possible.

It’s a little hard to swallow that a major television show, based on another very popular TV show, decides it cannot have black characters. Not only can it not have major black characters but it also needs to get rid of the supporting characters.  So what example do we set? Get rid of the black guy? This depresses me on so many levels.  You know what hat happens you guys? Do you know how difficult it is to find a show, a movie, a book, or something that features a black character as the main character?  It’s important to show diversity right? Well we are but sadly we have to kill the black guy.

I have dozens of ideas for stories unfortunately I’m always tasked with what to do. Should I make all the characters white and know the book (if ever published) will be popular because we get to read about white people. Or should I make the characters black like how I want to and hope and pray I can get something published and when I do it’s popular because people want to read about people regardless of their race.

Well whatever, enough of my ranting, back to watching my shows that only have white characters. Thank you very much.

Suffer the Little Children or Yeah we are going there again

Hello my little lovelies.  I wanted to let you in on a little piece of torture I plan on putting myself through again this year.  It’s called 3Day Novel.  One day a few years ago I was perusing writing contests and I came across this really great one called shhh, you guessed it 3Day Novel!  yeah! I signed up right away and along with the sign up I found an awesome group of people. If you ever want to talk to them they can be found here (well at least in 2015) if you are reading this in another year you’ll need to find your own link and FYI you are really far behind.

Anyway we get together every year all year long and we hang out, encourage, talk, vent, and exchange. It’s a pretty fun time and I’ve met two of them in person. Yeah I know what your thinking, “You met up with people online, didn’t they rape and murder you and aren’t you dead right now, OMG are you talking to us from beyond the grave, that is so cool and creepy and you went to Hell didn’t you” well yeah they didn’t kill me and they understood my weirdness.

So this year I jump into the fray writing a novel in 3 days, this year I plan on hanging out at one of my internet friend’s home, hopefully, if not I’ll try to barricade myself somewhere where my family cannot find me and I can pump out 10K words a day that don’t suck enough that I can get at least on the short list.  The contest does take a long time to judge, 4 to 5 months so if you are looking for a quick turn around you really came into the wrong profession.  I plan on writing an interesting tome about a woman who is haunted either by a child ghost or her imagination. It will be awesome, you’ll have to read it sometime.

If you have any plans later I hope you’ll spend it reading the other blogs associated with 3Day you can find one here. My 3Day brethren gives some really good advice for writing and they also find some of the best web sites for help with your writing, the best I can do is tell you to write.  Good luck!

POC need not apply

Now if you remember, and since you take careful notes when you read my blog I’m sure you do, I saw three movies last week and I’m here to tell you about the second one Ant-Man, now some fan/anti-fans are a little upset because one they decided to not do Hank Pym’s story but someone completely different, decided not to include The Wasp who is one of the original Avengers unlike Captain America, cause we don’t want to put a woman in a leading role that would be silly, and decided to show Hank Pym as a kindly old man (with a few anger issues) who was not a serial wife beater as he is in the comics because we all know movies stay faithful to their source material.  I didn’t know much of this (although I did know about The Wasp but woman don’t exist in the Marvel universe unless they are wearing skin tight cat suits and The Wasp’s costume didn’t quite match up so they had to ditch her), so I am just here to talk to you about the movie The Ant-Man and trust me there is plenty to be cross about so save your breath

Now lets see if we can go through the list here,

We’ve got the evil guy. Dammit make him bald or there will be hell to pay

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Oh thank God I was so worried you were going to go in another direction but we dodged a bullet on that one.

Now next I’m going to need a female lead, make her strong with absolutely nothing to do.

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Thanks, we want her to be good but not too good.

Now what don’t we have oh that’s right POC’s can you make them the comic relief? We don’t want them to get to uppity please.

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Thanks. I appreciate that we are still doing the same thing in movies I didn’t want to see anything new. Whew!

Is that the best you can do?

I recently had a very proud moment my daughter Alyssa recently performed at the Newport Jazz Festival, twice. Once on Friday night which a preview performance can be found here ► Play all and once on Sunday acting in Jamie Cullun’s backup band.  I tell you this not only because I am very proud of my daughter who will one day be the best trombonist in the world (if she is not already) but because she had 3 hour practices every day for a week.  Well since she doesn’t have a drivers license I was luck enough to drive her to said practices, which were an hour away, YEAH!

So now you ask but Kritty what did you do for 3 hours, to which I tell you, I spent a lot of money.  I went to the movies I saw Southpaw, Ant-Man and Trainwreck. All of which are decent movies, out of all of them I think I liked Ant-Man the best however since I’m not a reviewer I can give you my notes about some stuff.

The first movie was Southpaw. I have the screaming thigh sweats for Jake Gyllenhaal so I was prepared to like it kinda ( I was really upset with him after seeing Nightcrawler) leave it to Jake Gyllenhaal to make me hate Jake Gyllenhaal for being a good actor. Anyway Southpaw was exactly what I expected (SPOILER ALERT) the white guy won. I know I know you’re surprised as I was.  They also had the “magic black guy” you know the black guy who comes in has troubles of his own but can solve the white guys problems because black guys have mystical powers.  let me let you in on something, No, black guys cannot solve everything, they don’t have all the answers although I guess my experience is limited to my brother who is currently funking up my home office. Maybe they can solve white guys problems but not there own.

Now I also must point out I went to this movie all by myself. What you say, how brave you say. Don’t get all excited there were at least two or three other guys in the movie theater all on there own.  We are the brave and strong the ones on our own.

Here’s a picture of Jake, see why I fall I love?

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So remember that, Southpaw good movie if you want the white guy to win, like your black guys with the answers to everything and appreciate your ending semi happy.

I now cry at card tricks.

Dude Dude, I’ve been out of the Blogging thing for awhile. I’m sure all 4 of my followers have been really broken up about it.  No problem I’m back and I’d like to tell you ‘m not that happy.  I’m not happy because I’m a bit out of practice.  My summer movie thing is a little behind. We so totally missed the re-release of Jaws. Not that I haven’t see it 1000 times. So I’ve only  managed Inside Out, which is a pretty good kids movie. I’m not sure how this happened though so but I now cry at EVERYTHING. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve teared up in that movie.  But not just that movie dude, my kids made my watch Steven Universe about a bazillion times I teared up.

Now I’m pretty sure I could cry during Selma (yes I just got around to watching that) balling like a baby. You’ll be happy to know I did not cry during 7 Days of Hell, but it did make me think about Brooklyn 99 which the last episode had me sniffling quite a bit. I can also assure you I have been reading recaps of Grey on both JennyTrout.com and alysbcohen.wordpress.com.  I’ve done a big bit of grieving for my soul after reading their recaps.  It seriously hurts my heart that 50 Shades of Grey is a thing.

chris crocker  111 - SERIOUSLY HURTS MY HEART

I’m a little better on TV totally into Mr. Robot, Last Ship, and the new season of True Detective, well only watch one episode on that but shhh.  Now as much as I love Dwayne Johnson, seriously I want him to have my babies, I could not get into the critically acclaimed Ballers, which is only allowed to have skinny pretty woman in it. If you are a guy its fine but please no ugly b’s.

I promise to be better and now that I know how to create a meme look out!

Why I don’t go out 

I found this post recently. Apparently, I wrote it but never posted. I think it’s important to know a little about me so I’m going to share. You may not feel it in here but I was in a really bad bad bad place at the time. I’m better now, just kidding, I’m still in a bad place just cover it better now.

Hey, pretty baby. Yeah its been awhile but I must not have had a lot of things to say. But let me tell you I recently went out. Naw just kidding I’m out now, and I wanted to let you know about how awesome it was. Totally kidding it was painful! Anyone who knows me knows I hate going out. I have a bit of agoraphobia so going out and “hanging” with people isn’t my thing. You are lucky you can get me to go to work, but I digress.

So recently my sister-in-law’s bday. She’s okay but for the fact, ​she HAS to be the center of attention. If she is not, well no there isn’t a time where she isn’t.  So anyway, we are hanging out with several people out of the 11 people, and I know my sister-in-law, her daughter and almost another woman there. Well all the single ladies get extremely excited when we get a message that a woman we are picking up is bringing two guys, a picture is sent, and everyone goes crazy cause he’s apparently hot. I’m not allowed to see (i.e. I’m too fat and black, black girls don’t get the hot guys). Trust me, show me a movie where the black girl got the hot guy and I’ll show you a poorly constructed movie cause they can’t do it.

How you ever realized you were the day chic?  The useless person?  The one no one cares about it’s a little disconcerting to realize. That you are the one that no one cares about. That you are the one they brought along cause they had to cause there was no one else. I try not to get pissed. I try not to get upset, but it is so damned hard.  It is next to impossible. Next to impossible to realize that besides being the most visible, the most memorable, you are the one everyone chooses to ignore. To hell, you say, you don’t get ignored. I call bullshit.  The black girl is usually ignored because people are either they are ‘afraid of a girl like that’ or they don’t know ‘what to say’ to them.

Wow, why does this upset me so? This happens every time I go out. Well, the few times I’ve gone out. Twice it’s​ happened twice. I’ve been treated like this before. I should be used to it or at least not used to it but tolerant of it. But I’m not. When do you think it will change. Keep in mind it is most likely cause I’m old and not cause you’re I’m black and I have total resting bitch face. It’s because you are no longer fuckable. Does that make you feel better?​ Not really, although that should. I’m not fuckable and haven’t been for about 10? 15? years when did this happen? When did I go from fuckable to writing about fuckable people?​  Maybe you should get used to that. Not fuckable. Be happy, no more playing, awkward flirting, you are with someone who loves you, (won’t or can’t duck you) but loves you. Yeah

You know you can tell me everything right? Ew just not that

Just recently my daughter was in the hospital. She’s fine now thanks for asking and of course her school was a total dick about it but you know you put up with that, anyway…

She was in the hospital and due to a whole lot of people not listening to us we were there a couple of two three times. General practitioner, ER (twice) and finally admitted. Now I know she’s a teenager and I know teenagers do things that not all adults especially their parents don’t like, but my kids suffer from two things, well the suffer from a lot of things but we are going to focus only on a few.  One of them is a very chatty father.  I cannot tell you how chatty their father is. I would never suggest committing a crime with him, for one he is a law abiding citizen, the other reason, HE WOULD BLAB IT TO EVERYONE! Seriously dude cannot shut up.  If you met my family, you will know us by the amount of chatter. So my kids couldn’t keep anything from me if they tried because they can’t pure and simple fact they would blab it.

The other reason they can’t keep things from me??

It was slightly frustrating to be kicked out of the room so the doctor could “talk” to my daughter. Which I guess but really shouldn’t we be encouraging open communication? Apparently not.

Now not the day after my mother-in-law drops on by (I foolishly thought to see after my daughter) but instead it was to complain about how she is stressed, too much is going on in her life and although she is married, her husbands children are causing lots of distress. Well that sounds awful, you can go. So she’s unable to have a good talk with him, so apparently you talk to me (I’m compassionate times 10)

She also happens to tell me all about her other granddaughter who is also at a loss for someone to talk to and it was suggested she should visit a psychologist.

You're sad and depressed? Here let me help you with that

While I whole hardheartedly encourage you to get some help if you truly feel that you need it and I am not knocking psychiatry in any way, I just want you to stand way over there as far away from as possible. I’ve got enough crazy in my life right now.

Good Luck to you.

Piece of Pop

Welcome internet and to the people I begged to be here and those who accidently typed in the wrong word or phrase into their browser and ended up here.

This being my first post and since I’m relatively new to the whole blogging universe I’ll be short

After racking my brain, I truly couldn’t think of anything that I can contribute with stops me from posting to Cracked or Buzzfeed (my two favorite places for useless information) or any place where I think everyone wants my opinion because even though I think I’m fabulous surprisingly enough not everybody does; imagine my surprise.

But since I have a TON of useless information in my brain I figured I would pass it on to muddle your brains as well.  That way the more people that think like me the more people I can talk to instead of having to avoid the whole human race.

So let’s talk about movies because that isn’t something that a lot of people talk about.  I just want to do an open letter to Hollywood and ask them to please stop doing certain clichés.  There is no need for yet another ‘Pulled out of retirement’ movie. Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I mean and have not idea what I’m talking about cause you know you do:

John Wick*

3Days to Kill

The November Man

The Equalizer

Taken

Taken 2

Taken 3

A Walk Among the Tombstones

The Drop

Stolen

Erased

The Prince

Olympus has Fallen

The Art of the Steal, just to name a few.

Now I’m not saying any of these movies stink or that they are any good. *I personally cannot get enough of Keanu Reeves and am very upset he doesn’t realize we are destined to be together and he needs to stop all this Hollywood run around and come home to me, but I digress.

 

Can we think of any reason why we need so many retirement movies? Yes I still believe Keanu, Liam, Aaron, John and all the others have a lot of life left in them. I do not discount someone because of their age. But let’s also not discount someone because of their gender or color of their skin or youth.

 

I look at a lot of the movie web sites and there are always talk of “women” movies in the works but the script isn’t right. Truly, Really, Honestly, Seriously, are you kidding me? You are telling me Liam Neeson losing his family movie after movie had a better script then one they could write for Black Widow, Wonder Woman or whatever they hell they were trying to get Hailey Barry to do after that horrible James Bond movie? Well maybe we dodged a bullet on that one.

 

We can remake Fantastic Four, RoboCop, Total Recall, Green Lantern and make Baywatch into a movie but we can’t get more people of color into movies that don’t cast them in a comedic light? Yeah two things I’ll watch Dwayne Johnson paint my house (one because it really needs it and two because I hope he takes off his shirt) and the other thing yes I recognize I’m bitching about a remake when they took About Last Night and remade it with an African American cast. Hush, just hush.

 

I suggest letting them know we are as mad as hell and we are not going to take it anymore and stay away from any reboot, reimagining or remake that Hollywood keeps vomiting out. Unless of course it has Keanu in it, or the Rock. Maybe we should just make our own movies, our own TV shows our own books.  Now if it were just that easy.

Hello world!

Let’s start blogging. Talking and doing stuff that normal people do. Sound like a plan. But just so I can keep this up you have to tell two friends and they’ll tell two friends and they’ll tell two friends and so on and so in and so on.